1.28.2013

365: 15 – 28

Day 15: A song that makes you cry and why… 

It's Art by PSY 


I have no idea why I cry when I hear it. I first heard the song on youtube, so it's probably a mix of the song and the video. I don't think I've cried just listening to the song alone recently. It's just so beautiful.

Day 16: Someone you trust… 

o.O When you say trust, do you mean 100%? Cause if yes, then no one. I trust certain people with certain things. Not one person in this world knows everything about me. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. That's the saying right? Yeah, I have a really difficult time trusting people. I went on trusting too much when I was younger and got burned all the time. Family, friends, teachers… and then 2009 happened. Don't think this is the place to talk about the unfortunate events of 2009, but that's when I really closed up to people. Humans aren't to be trusted. What a great outlook on life eh? Hopefully I can come back from that and trust people. But until then, I'
ll assume the worst until you can prove yourself. It won't be easy for you. 

Day 17: Your idol and why you look up to them…

People still have idols? I feel like this is a thing of the past. I'm really just making this up on the spot. Crystal Kay maybe. I love her. I feel like she can do no wrong. She's so beautiful. UGH!! I can't with this woman. Her voice keeps getting better and I was the happiest person in the world when I found out that she did a recording of endless love with Lionel Richie. 

Legends

Day 18: Why you made your blog, why you still have it…

It's all here

Day 19: Your thoughts on your family…

Last time I did that, people got mad. No one likes to hear the truth apparently. I've now got a cousin who refuses to talk to me or even acknowledge my existence. And I've got some cousins that report my every move to their parents. That being said, the other side of my Mom's family is best kind. I met cousins and aunties for the first time on my trip to Jamaica last year. Still so many more to meet. My Dad's side is super chill. I don't have anything bad to say about any of them.

Day 20: What you think makes someone beautiful…

I really don't know how to answer this. I don't have a definition of beautiful in my back pocket.

Day 21: What does your favourite t-shirt look like?

I love this shirt so much. Buddy is my favourite Marvel superhero. 

I would have shown a pic of me wearing it, but guess who's too lazy to comb their hair or even change? 

Day 22: How you judge intelligence?

Who thinks of these things? I guess intelligence would be your understanding of people. Like how to treat people. Know that you mustn't treat others how you want to be treated but how they want to be treated. Be able to empathize with others, help those who need it. And don't judge. How you treat others says a lot about you, and I think if you don't know people, you don't know much. You don't know life.

Day 23: A month/year of your life when you were happiest and why…

2011

All about new places, challenges, people and memories. From January to June I was Katimavik volunteer. So far the best experience of my life. I met some of the most amazing people I've ever met in Chisasibi, QC and Steinbach, MB. I am constantly reminded of those six months. As I type this up, I'm listening to Bon Iver. One of my friends in the group introduced me many of us. The dream catcher I hang with my blinds. Any time I hear someone speaking French. Made a pot of oatmeal this week, first time since Katimavik. And every time I wear my winter coat. I got it for the trip, and had to wear it every day when in Chisasibi. I miss it so much. 

Baie James

Then in June came around and the program was coming to an end, I decided to stay awhile longer. A month longer actually. Switching from one house to another. Getting spoiled with the best food, well actually, I was spoiled with great food during Katimavik too. I got to go horseback riding for the first time since I was eight or nine. Learned how to drive. Stayed on a farm!! It was awesome. But eventually I had to go back Toronto. I didn't want to, but my sister had a birthday/welcome back/goodbye party for me. One of the most memorable parties ever. High school friends, family from both sides and even my MK Beauty Consultant. Also got a computer thanks to my uncle and cousins. Cause you know, I was about to start university.

University in Newfoundland. On the road again. For someone who hates planes, I sure do travel a lot. So I started school, which was a lot easier than I thought. I didn't do well in English, but that was expected and Learning Strategies… -__- But that didn't matter. I was taking Japanese again, and Japanese Religions course and Linguistics. I was actually enjoying what I was doing in school. Came out with a 3.2 GPA after my first semester. Pretty good for someone who never took a university level course in high school and could barely pass applied level courses.

So yeah, in 2011 I was a pretty happy camper.

Day 24: Your favorite 10 people right now and why…

I'm just going to pick famous people cause if I start listing names of people I know it won't look good on me I think. haha No order…

Sidney Poitier – Favourite actor of all time.

Tom Hiddleston – Sorry for constantly mentioning you on here. ><

Asano Tadanobu – Second favourite actor of all time.

Xiaxue – One of my favourite bloggers.

David Suzuki – Legend

Tablo – Favourite rapper

Ok, it just hit me how Asian this list got.

Seth McFarlane – Cause Ted. And Roger.

Crystal Kay – Favourite Japanese singer. So underrated, it’s sickening. Go listen to her now.

Matt Smith – Cause he's just as awkward as The Doctor.

Meryl Streep – Perfection

Day 25: The last movie you watched…

Guilt Trip. I think. Probably yes. Cute movie. Can't get over the beauty that is Seth Rogen. Canadians in Hollywood. Doesn't get any better. And Barbra Streisand… can't even remember if I've ever seen her in anything before, but I loved her in this. I may or may not be like her character when I'm older. Spit on my finger to wipe something off of my children's faces when they’re 30? Yes, that will definitely be me.

Day 26: 5 things you’re looking forward to…

The Oscars, going to Korea, getting a new phone (BB10 or Galaxy S IV), going back to St. John’s, finishing school so I can finally go teach in Japan. ^^ Kind of a cheat with that last one.

Day 27: A person you wished lived closer and why…

Ernie. I can't believe I still think about this man. I really need to get over him cause it’s never gonna happen. I miss his smile and his laugh. UGH!! I'm such a creeper.

Day 28: Something you makes you really angry…

Spiders. Walking all up in here like they own the place.

Walmart – Devil things. I can't even walk in there anymore.

Questions from here

1.27.2013

Grow Up Laci Green

Oh dear. Excuse me while I deal with the fact that my internet life is falling to pieces. First Jenna Marbles, then Cassey Ho and now Laci Green. So sad that these women go on the way they do. So ignorant. For what?

Here's the stupidness that started it all the other day…




Unfollowed ¯\(°_o)/¯
First comment done jokingly, second asking legit question, third brushing it off casue she wasn't going anywhere with this. I wasn't sarcastic, rude or offensive with my language. I really was unfollowed for disagreeing with her. So childish. Cutting people out of your life over something as simple as a difference in opinion doesn't get you anywhere. Life is full of disagreements. All I wanted was the proof behind what she was saying. If you're going to present something as fact then be prepared to back it up, otherwise it's just an opinion regardless of how legit it may or may not sound. That you cannot handle?

Really would have left it alone, but then someone on tumblr brought some links to my attention. Apparently Laci acting like a child is not a new thing. She really doesn't like it when people don't agree with her.

Links 

1 Rude or not?
2 Putting her in her place
3 Have fun with this one
4 I found another

Confirm it's you not me. I feel better now. Why can't the people on the interwebs that I look up to, respect and support be a little more rational and level headed? Also assuming you unfollowed me on tumblr too because you either came across my blog though your tag or because I disagreed with your stupid post about tumblr changes. My money's on the former.

So I have decided to unfollow Laci on all social media platforms. I know she won't care. It's not my aim to make her care. Only once before I got upset for someone unfollowing me. But chances are he unfollowed because he's more of a positive tweeter and not as keen to make a fuss. Whereas I am always ready to call people out on their bullshit. But I still follow him cause he's a good person and I know he's not being rude to people for no reason. That's the difference. Laci doesn't get unfollowed because she unfollowed me. She gets unfollowed because she treats people like shit. If I continue to follow her I'm condoning her disgusting and childish behaviour. Cannot do. I am so happy this has all been brought to my attention, cause I would have continued to support this woman blindly. I used to be so confused by all the Laci hate, but I get it now. You brought it upon yourself. Keep digging.


1.26.2013

Mary Kay

I love this company. I've been going to different events, classes and even meetings for three years come February. There was a time that I wanted to be a Beauty Consultant, but I move around too much. So I'll just stick to buying the wonderful products. I have eczema and so I'm always really paranoid about what I put on my skin. Also, for many years just don't bother to take care of my skin at all. Lucky for me, my skin not so bad. until recently But it’s probably a good idea to take care of the skin on my face as much as the rest of my body right? MK products work so great. One exception is sunscreen, I'll talk about later. 

So last weekend I went to another MK event, and when it was done I got this as a gift for showing up!!


Nourishine Lip Gloss in Inspiring. 


After the event was done I did a little shopping. Originally I just bought the Compact Mini and the Mineral Eye Colours, but then I decided last minute before it got dropped off to also buy the Brush Cleaner and Satin Lips Lip Mask.



And along with all these wonderful things, I also got this cute Beauty Case for free!!


Comes with sample Lip Gloss in Rock ‘N’ Rouge

Brush Cleaner

Lip Mask

Compact Mini

Eye Colours

Honey Spice – Amber Blaze – Chocolate Kiss – Sweet Plum - Azure


The one in the front middle I had before (Iris), then just remembered it was free for going to an event before. 


Love love love this


This is all free MK product and samples.


Duo Eye Colours not available any more I think. And I've used so much of the eye colour samples already, only a few left.

haha And I just found this stuck to bottom of Iris case. Didn't know I had.

So that’s all the makeup stuff. This is what I have from MK in the skincare department (plus nail polish). 

>< Sorry for camera setting used.

The TimeWise Miracle Set I didn't pay for. Twice now I have been in the top 100 in Canada for MK makeover contests. Next time I hope to win. So everyone in top 100 gets the trial size set. I love it so much, but I can't use the day solution, cause of the sunscreen in it. Or is it sun screen? Ok, I think it might be sun screen. So yeah, that doesn't agree with my skin. When I got the set the first time a couple years ago, I didn't realise I couldn't use it. I've gone my whole life knowing that I wasn't supposed to use sun screen, but I couldn't remember why. >< I quickly found out. My skin went so bad. But as soon as I stopped using the day solution, my skin was fine. The rest of the set is great. My skin feels so clean after I use. haha I should have been doing this all the time before. So many wasted years.


And then I have the Velocity set. In a perfect world, the TimeWise cleanser would come as a pair with the Velocity Moisturiser. Well I can buy separately, but haven’t thought of it before. I have had this set for what seems like years. I'm so bad when it comes to remembering to wash my face. Don't judge me. But I am determined to remember every day for the next month. Morning and night, I will wash my face. It might not even last that long if I really do remember. Then I'll bring the TW set with me to Korea. Then I have the peach scented Satin Hands hand cream. I love this thing so much. Probably my favourite MK product ever. It smells like Fuzzy Peaches. Next is the Extra Emollient Night Cream, This I have had for years. A little goes a long way, and I only use it when my heels or elbows are feeling really dry. It’s almost done though. Up next is the Satin Lips set. I always complain about dry lips, but I almost never remember to use this. >< This set makes my lips so soft. And last but not least, the nail polish. The purple one is called Intensity and the silver is Platinum. They were limited edition when I bought. MK hasn't had nail polish as part of their regular lineup in years. 


Ok, one more picture of the compact cause I love it so much. ^.^


So that's my MK collection. I think I remember everything.

Thank you Sonya!!

1.25.2013

In A Bad Mood

First reason why is because Laci Green unfollowed me on twitter because I didn't agree with her on something. Usually I don’t get bothered for more than a minute when I get unfollowed, but this one hurt. To have someone I look up to and support so much unfollow me because of a disagreement is just crazy. Didn't I just talk about this in my last post? Someone disagreeing with you shouldn't be a reason to unfollow/ignore. Immature or not? All I did was ask for her to back up the statements she was making and she couldn't do it. Then don't say it. Then I said, I'll agree to disagree. And I know I didn't say anything offensive on twitter yesterday, so I don't see why else she would unfollow other than the disagreement. UGH!! So frustrating. So childish. But it's done, and I've said what I needed to say. At least she wasn't offensive like Cassey Ho was last weekend. I don't hate Laci, just don't know where this childish move came from. I will recover from this. 


Second reason I'm upset, and this one is a much bigger deal...


Tumblr. WTF!?! This is not ok. I love tumblr. I spend most of my free time on it to the point that I get upset because I get so addicted. I usually don’t make a big fuss about the changes they do to the site because they’re liveable and soon enough I won’t even notice. With the exception of moving the tags. Dick move. But this time the tumblr staff pulled a facebook on us. Major change that makes life so difficult. If you’re not on tumblr, bear with me for a minute. The two big things that are pissing me off about the changes are 1) tags (or lack of them) 2) one page dashboard system. 

So the tag thing is simple. Before the change, whatever tags you use when you create or reblog a post gets saved. So the next time you create or reblog, and you go to tag something, say “Tom Hiddleston”, all I have to do is press ‘t’ and a dropdown menu of tags that start with it show up. If you have a lot of ‘t’s then go onto the next letter to narrow it down or scroll until you find the tag you want. So convenient. Especially when you have stupid tags like “loooooolz”. I don’t use that, just an example. But tags aren't saved anymore. So for a tag like “Tom Hiddleston”, this change is annoying more than anything, because you always have to type it out now. But when it comes to “loooooolz”, you might not remember the exact number of ‘o’s used in it, so if you forget and use 5 the second time you now have two different tags on your blog for no good reason other than tumblr decided to take it away. That took longer to explain then I expected.


***UPDATE***
The tags are back.


***ANOTHER UPDATE***
The system has changed. If I typed in "om" on old tumblr, tags like "omg!!" or "omg sthap" would show up on the drop menu. Now things like "Tom Hardy" and "awesome sauce" show up cause there's an "om" somewhere in there. So the tag system still sucks and it's officially more work.

Now on to the one page dashboard system. Tumblr has kind of always had this to begin with. Endless scrolling if you wish. This never worked for me, but it was easily dealt with. Say I scrolled through seven pages worth of posts on my dash, just liking some, not reblogging. Things are going to take longer to load if I keep doing this. So the next post I see that I like, I hit the reblog button and I get sent to a new page. Once I reblog it or add it to my queue, I am taken back to my dash and instead of starting back at the first page, I am starting at page seven and I continue from there. Things are loading fast, and I'm a happy camper. “Well how many pages can you go through?”, one might ask. Good question. Remember when I said I spend most of my free time on this site? I wasn't kidding. I never miss a post. This is part of the reason why I only follow 36 blogs. So this never miss a post thing can and has gotten dangerous for me. There was a time when I actually went through about 122 pages of posts because I wasn't on the computer for a couple of days. A one page dashboard would have never let this happen!! So what now? Follow less blogs or deal with the fact that I'm going to miss some posts? How can I be asked to choose? This is not ok tumblr. 

So I have two blogs on tumblr, my main one and my 18+ one. Not even going to give you a link to that one so don't ask. I have started the process of closing down my 18+ one, and I'm seriously considering closing down my main one too. I know this won’t affect the tumblr staff if they lose two blogs, although a lot of people are threatening to leave, but what’s the point of me staying if I'm not happy. People joke every time there’s a change that we’re in an abusive relationship with tumblr. Could be. And if so, it might be my time to get out. The only reason this isn't definite yet is because recently I started to make some friends on there. If I do leave I'll get their emails, and deal with all the time I'll have all of a sudden. 


Ok so enough with tumblr. The final reason why I'm not in a good mood is medical reasons. I won’t give much detail, but last week got blood work done for my physical. This week I had the physical, and then I got more blood taken this time to get tested for something. First time to take blood wasn't the worst. I am terrified of getting blood done. But last week they only took one vial. This week they took three and I couldn't handle it. Had a panic attack as that needle sat in my arm. Then another test yesterday to go along with the blood work. And all day yesterday, just not feeling too good. Possibly because I looked up what they were looking for on the interwebs and realised that it could be the cause of my sudden acne. I have eczema, but the skin on my face is not affected and is usually flawless. So this is a big deal for me. At the age of 22 getting acne out of nowhere. Not cool. It's still not bad like what you see in Proactive commercials, but I can't stand it. But I suppose this should be the least of my worries. 

Other than all of that, I've been really nervous lately about Korea. Everything is pretty much final. I got my ticket and picked up my visa on Wednesday. Not turning back now. Unfortunately for me though, the airport pickup times offered by my school are set in stone, and I'll miss one of them by 25 minutes. So after 18 hours of travelling, I must wait in an airport for three hours when all I'll want to do is shower and eat. Probably not in that order. I am very excited though. Especially because I have a lot of friends in Korea. Many of them in different parts of Seoul. So I'll have an easier time than some adjusting to life in Korea. Life in a city twice the size, population wise, of Toronto. Life in a city where the main language is one that I barely understand. What an adventure this will be!! 

Oh!! And yesterday, my camera case finally came in the mail. It's beautiful. I'll post about it soon. I'm currently blinging it out. So scared to put crystals on the camera itself, so I went for the case. Looks so pretty already. ^^ 

***Sorry I didn’t post my weekly seven questions. Such a bad week. I will post 14 on the 28th.


1.20.2013

POPsters Behaving Badly

Before I talk about the badly behaved POPsters, I just want to say that “I'm sorry, but…” is not an apology. I don't agree with the things that Cassey Ho has said in her last two posts and I also think that the things said in them were very judgemental and worded very rudely. And instead of a real apology she just backed up the things she said and went on with her “I'm gonna do whatever I want attitude” without taking people’s feelings into consideration. This is really upsetting for me, because I really looked up to Cassey before this whole mess, and now I don't even want to follow her on any social media platform. If only she could give a real apology. 

Click here and here for the posts I'm referring to.

And click here to read a response left by someone else on facebook about the first post. Took the words right out of my mouth. 


Now on to the POPsters. As I've already said, I don’t agree with Cassey's posts and that's ok. You know what else is ok? Agreeing with her. Nothing wrong with that. We are all entitled to our own opinions. But what's not ok is bullying. 2013 and the message still hasn't gotten through. (I'm not saying Cassey shouldn't speak her mind, I am saying that she should do it respectfully.)

I am in no way ok with people naming calling, putting others down and making assumptions about people they don't even know (or about anyone). Some people were leaving hurtful comments directly aimed at Cassey and that is not ok. But instead of people showing Cassey support and bringing her up, they decided to go down a very unnecessary road. Read some…


Kirsty K: They are trolls Cassey. Please ignore them. 

Melissa D: Fat angry bitches that don't wanna lose weight through hard work. 

Άντρεα: cassey i will fuck all these bitches up with the triceps i you helped me build. gimme names &i'm there 

Dane G: dont let the losers get you 

Really? How is this ok? In what world? Why al the name calling? And then all the ridiculous assumptions made about the other cementers…

Canan G: Its really sad, you make people feel better and get disrespectful comments? Maybe they hate because they cant do your workouts without giving up ^^ 

Viola R: they're idiots! obviously they havent done even one of ur wrkouts to know how much it helps!keep your head held high Cass! 

Azalina J: These bitter people comes from bitter childhood. U shud twist your sadness to pity for they had lack of love. 

UGH!!! NO PEOPLE!! NO!! You don’t bring someone up by bringing others down. Even if these comments are aimed at the people who originally left nasty comments towards Cassey. This is not ok. I always thought POPsters were a supportive bunch. But instead I feel like I'm watching Mean Girls via facebook. So much hate. It's sickening. 
There's more...

Jenny H: Just know that those people are hurting inside themselves. It makes them feel better because they don't feel like they can ever have what you have. I think you are an amazing lady. 

Who’s hurting and how do you know? Please enlighten me. What gives you the right?

Lauren C: They're probably people who can't stick to the routine, and feel like crap and need to blame someone. … 

Who are you? What do you know about the people making comments? Oh wait! Nothing. You know nothing about these people and what they do. All you know is what they've left on the blogilates wall, and their name (assuming they use their real name on fb).

Andrea P: Let her have her own opinion?!? If you don't like what she has to say then ignore it. 

Yes, you are completely right Andrea. Cassey should have her own opinion. But that doesn't mean she needs to be rude in getting her point across. And no, I'm not going to ignore it, because bad behaviour needs to be called out.


So can you please stop? Stop hurting other people. Stop tearing people down. Stop calling people names.

Another thing I think people failed to see is that just because Cassey is the one running the blog, youtube channel, twitter account, etc., doesn't mean everyone has to see everything the way she does. I can disagree with her. This doesn't mean I'm a bad POPster, it means that I don't agree with something she said. So simple and so many can't see it. I couldn't find the comment again, but as I was scrolling through them earlier I noticed someone say that if someone is offended or doesn't agree with what’s being said, they should just unfollow. Is that really your best solution? What a way to deal with conflict. If I stopped talking to people simply based on the fact that I don’t agree with something they said, I would have no friends. There is no logic in this. Healthy respectful debates. That's what we need. I couldn't bother defending myself because there was so many people who weren't willing to listen to an opposing view. Isn't that what started all the drama in the first place? Listen. Think. Respond. Don't be a closed system.

For now I'm just going to have to take a break from blogilates, because I'm so embarrassed by the comments left by others. I don't want to be a part of a group that thinks it's ok to treat people so poorly. And to the POPsters who respectfully shared their opinions about the posts, thank you. Whether you agree with Cassey or agree with me it doesn't matter because respect is the number one thing here.

Now a cute picture to make you smile... 

x

Thanks for reading. Feel free to leave comments. Respectful comments. 

**These comments are all taken from the blogilates facebook page. I looked through hundreds, so I'm not going to bother with the comments left on the other social media platforms.

1.16.2013

365: 8 - 14

Day 8: Things that make you sad… 

Doctor Who, summer, humans, spilt milk, Canadian prices of everything, basketball, facebook, my boobs, not being able to read as much as I used to, children crying, and closed-toe shoes.

Day 9: Things that make you happy… 

Doctor Who, Pokémon, tumblr, music, rice cookers, James Franco’s smile, Indian food, my baby blanket still sleep with it, nail polish, and my new camera...

Samsung doesn't want to take a decent picture of Panasonic ><

Day 10: What you think when you hear the words “be yourself”?

Whatever you do, do it because you want to, and whatever you don’t do, don’t do it because you don’t want to. Being yourself isn't an easy thing to do. Especially if who you are doesn't fit in with the people you are surrounded by. The amount of hurtful things I have heard from people in my family just because I don’t shave. Really?! Body hair is gross? That’s news to me. But whatever. You gotta get thick skin, and you gotta realise that you can’t please everyone. So don’t even try. You'll me miserable.

Day 11: The worst advice you've ever heard, or ever been given...

I don’t think this qualifies as advice, but everyone told me last year when I started my undergrad that first year is the toughest. Lies, lies and more lies!! I would love to just go back to first year and chill there. Erase this past semester too. Yes, first year was tough, but that’s only because of English. As you can see on my blog, I'm not one for proper structure when it comes to writing. If you can clearly understand what I am saying, than that should be enough. So yeah, English was hard and brought down my GPA. But the rest was A’s and B’s. Second year, on the other hand, was hell. I was clueless in half of my courses. It didn't help that I was dealing with shit outside of school. Anywho, that’s behind me now. Korea will be better.

Day 12: The best advice you've ever heard, or ever been given...

“Why take something so seriously if you know you can’t get out alive?”

Advice can come in the form of a question right? This is my favourite. I was talking to someone last month about growing up and I think he said his wife told him this. So true. We are all going to die, so might as well have fun. I'm not going to watch the news if I could be training my Pokémon. I'm not going comb my hair every day because that precious time could be spent sleeping in. I'll be mature when I need to be.

Day 13: Your favourite quote…

“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.”

― Henry David Thoreau

Day 14: Write about something you believe in, anything at all…

Myself. Click here. Not gonna go through all that again. I've done good and I'll continue to do so.

Questions from here

1.12.2013

Menstrual Cup Madness

***Editing now, and this post is a lot longer than what I planned. Feel free to skip down to the stars if you don’t care to know about my journey from hearing about menstrual cups to buying one, and just want to know about the process.***


I have been hearing about menstrual cups for a few years now, but I never had any interest in using them. I thought that they were a gross way to deal with a gross/unnecessary problem. (Gross cause it’s blood and unnecessary cause I'm adopting.) I can’t stand the thought of using pads because it’s like sitting in your own grossness. And I was all fine with tampons until in November or early this past December and I heard about moldy tampons. I was in no way ready for the cups, but moldy tampons scared the shit out of me. Click here to see what I'm talking about. What choice did I have? I know that pads and tampons (bleached cotton o.O) are a terrible way of soaking up the blood that pours out of our crotches and extremely wasteful and bad for the environment, but I really didn't care. If mother nature was so adamant about punishing me, I would return the favour. This is not usually my attitude in life.

So after eleven years of nothing but suffering, and being scared out of using my current method of dealing with this situation, I finally decided to do some serious research, again, into these magical cups. This was very frustrating for me. I ended up in tears many times because not only could I not find a cup that I would think would suit me, but I was also getting really upset about the fact that I am never going to use my uterus and yet I still have to go through this bullshit. As I sit here typing this, I'm still not okay with this whole thing. Why doesn't nature have a neutral gender? Almost every review I have found on the internet is a super stepford wifey, fake happy, everything is all good, these things are amazing kind of thing. Like these cups can do no wrong. And I'm thinking, either these people are in some kind of cult or they're being paid to say all these wonderful things about the cups. And almost none of these reviews are talking about the first one or two tries. All you see about the first time is “it’s a learning curve” or “it takes some getting used to”. Like no one can be honest and talk about how difficult this thing is. And for the few reviews about first time using the cup, they were not the accounts of a virgin using them. But really, if I see “learning curve” on more time, I'm going to punch someone.

Another one of my big stressors was the lack of information and beating around the bush when it comes to the topic of virgins and cups. ***Virgin is probably not the best word to be used here, since losing one’s virginity doesn't depend on a penis being put into a vagina. When I say the word, I mean to say ‘a person with a vagina who was never had something bigger than a tampon inside of them’, aka hymen not stretched. Although one company I came across soft cup insisted that this is the only way to for people with vaginas to lose their virginity.*** So yeah, all most of these companies said about this was that it is perfectly safe for virgins to use. Not very helpful. I just wanna know if it’s gonna hurt. These things a three times the size of tampons. I think I was justified in worrying. And then there was one site I saw that said to be very careful not to do dry runs and be very careful when taking the cup out cause it might tear the hymen. Encouraging. Very encouraging.

Almost the size of a large egg...

and slightly longer than a USB key.

As a virgin, I found it difficult to believe that something the size of a peeled banana or egg sitting inside of me would go unnoticed, and the thought of tearing my insides made me want to just rip out my uterus then and there. ***Please note that the only time a hymen should be torn is when a baby is coming out of you, at which point you probably won’t even have a hymen any more. Tampons, fingers, dildos, penises, speculum, etc.  should stretch it. NO TEARING!! Tearing is bad. Also, some people don’t even have a hymen to begin with.***

So I'm scared of moldy tampons and my period is coming soon. Maybe. I'm regularly irregular. And I have no other way of dealing with this bloody mess. No interest in trying sponges. So I go out and buy it. The woman at the store said she's been using these things for over a decade and she loves it. Blah blah blah. The same fairytale story I've been hearing on the net. So let me just wait for this thing to come and see for myself. ***I might seem negative and super sceptical but I really do want this thing to work out because I'm now out $50 and there is no other method, other than endometrial ablation, to deal with this.***


**********************************************************************************************************************

Day 1

So it finally comes. I go to the washroom, and clean this thing. I tried putting it in sitting on the toilet, but that wasn’t working. Squatting it is! I used the punch down method to put it in because it makes the top of the cup smaller and easier to put in. I was super surprised at how fast I got this thing in. Only a few tries. Like wow, have I found the answer to all my problems?



Fat chance!! I got it in fine, but then comes the turning. I don’t think these companies realise how impossible this is. I was not able to get my fingers in there to grip the base of the cup. I couldn't even get one in!! No space, and when I tried it just hurt. Not worth the pain, so I figured I would just see what happens. Then my body decided to swallow this thing up. I know it’s supposed to be completely in, but this doesn't have a string like tampons. I want to know where it is at all times. So I started pushing down as though I was releasing a poop, and then I started to get a hold of the stem and bring it down a bit. Fail. After a few minutes of trying this added on top of the few attempts it took to get it in in the first place I had to stop because I was all sore. But the cup wasn't hurting. Even though I had no idea if this thing was in properly I decided to wait it out.

After about an hour, the worrying of whether or not I would be able to get this thing out got the best of me and I headed back to the washroom. Did I mention this thing is a suction cup? Suction cups and vaginas don't mix. To take this thing out I had to first pretend I'm pooping again, grab the stem with what little nails I have and by the time the suctioning started to happen there was enough of the base of the cup for me to punch in to break the seal. It was messy, awkward and painful because I was still irritated from trying to put it in. There wasn't much blood in the cup, but I didn't have it in for that long. Off I go to bed. I'll try again tomorrow.

Day 2

Surprisingly optimistic this morning. I put the cup in again. Same method as before, and again, it went in easier than I expected. ***Still waiting for the day when this thing accidentally pops open too soon and tears my hymen. Pray for me.*** I still can't get my fingers in to turn the cup, but I'm not feeling it and there's no pain, so I leave it as is and once again hope for the best. First hour or so was fine but then I started feeling pain, but I wasn't sure if this was cramps or the cup. Two more hours. I decided that maybe I just needed to poop. Impossible. These companies are full of lies. I couldn't pee even though I felt like I needed to and I couldn't poo either. So I took it out, (less suction action this time). More blood than the previous day, but just blood. The clots were all over my fingers and the outside of the cup. Now I know for sure that this thing wasn't in the right place. Not impressed. I took a poop and put this thing away for the next day.

Day 3 (and last day wtf, so soon?)

I'm so determined to make it work this time, but just as before my fingers couldn't grip the base of the cup to turn it. But I'm feeling fine. Cramps are done and I feel no pressure. So let me just go on with my day. I finally figured it out!!

Nope. Three things happened when I was wearing the cup this time. First, as I lay down on my bed I can feel the cup. Not actually feel it, like I don't actually feel the thing inside me, but I felt open. If I were to squat over a mirror I know it would look like any other day, but this cup is taking up so much space inside my vagina that I feel like it is open to the world. So yes, tec
hnically people on the internets are correct in that you can't feel the cup, but this open feeling made me feel really uncomfortable and unsafe. Weird, I know. But that’s how I felt and I'm owning it.

Secondly, I started to feel the blood passing by the outside the cup. Again, I cant actually feel the cup, but this is the best way to describe how it felt. I knew it was leaking again. And I was getting really annoyed.

Finally, I felt it pop/snap. Good sign that it wasn't in properly in the first place. O.O It was so sudden. Like wtf is going on here?! I didn't know what to do. But soon after I started to feel a lot of pressure on the right side of my pelvis area, and I figured I could walk it out, but no. That pressure turned into pain, and that pain travelled to my back. I was so done. Luckily for me, my period was almost done too. I think all the suction action sucked the blood out. I took it out and put that thing away for the next time my body decides to torture me.

And there you have it. My first time using a menstrual cup. Since I put so much time into this, I might as well keep reporting on the progress. THERE WILL BE PROGRESS!! Speak into existence right?



On a more positive note, there a couple of people on the internets that I have been talking to about this whole thing and I'm not giving up just yet. One of the people showed me to this link. (Only a few days I've known about it now.) I feel a little discouraged by it though. Seems like more problems than anything. And the only advice people keep giving is “take deep breaths” and “relax”. No shit! Of course I relax. The cup would never get in if I hadn't. The problem is once it's in and the lack of space. Breathing deep isn't gonna stretch my hymen so that I can rotate this thing. UGH!!

I hope this helps in some way. I don't want to scare anyone out of using menstrual cups because I think they're a great idea. It's just really difficult to know which one to buy. So many brands and so many sizes. You can't possibly know which one to get ahead of time. By the time you know if it works or not, your money's been spent and the companies have it. But I seriously encourage you to do plenty of research. Don't go by brands, go by sizes (measurements). I would think that by now there is at least one out there that will fit properly. Feel free to comment. I'm learning to love these stories.


1.09.2013

365: 1 - 7

Because I don't have time to post these everyday… 

Day 1: Hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days with a picture of yourself… 

Well I’ll be in Korea for most of the year. I really want to go to the YG Family Concert. It’s every year right? To see BigBang, Tablo, PSY, etc live!?! How awesome would that be?

I want to do a lot of temple stays. Considering doing my Master’s in Korea on Buddhism, so this is a great opportunity for me.

Become fluent in Korean.

In General…

I want to drop 40 pounds.

Learn more about makeup. I'm a beginner. If I ever have makeup on, it’s because my MK Independent Beauty Consultant Sales Director did it for me or guided me step by step.

Learn how to manage my hair. >.< Good chance this won’t happen. 

Taken by Stacey Speers

Day 2: Something that’s illegal but you think it should be legal…

Weed. I've only smoked it twice, but I can’t see the big deal around it. Everyone seems so happy on that stuff. Legalize that shit.

Day 3: What you think your reason for being here is?

No reason. Just a burst of randomness perhaps. For a Philosophy student, I'm not much interested in this question. It doesn't really matter.

Day 4: How you think your life would change if you achieved your dream?

What do you mean “if”? I am achieving my dreams as I type this. Ok, not at this very moment. But I’ve lived in three different provinces in the past two years, I’m pretty sure I’ve decided my major, and I’m on my way to Korea. I have a difficult time doing the whole “be positive” thing, but I don’t want to be where I was physically and mentally so I’ve done something about it. Constantly on the move. And while the living-out-of-suitcases thing is getting old, the meeting-new-people and seeing-new-things part of it is awesome.

I just want to be schooling and travelling for the next 10 years. Then I'll finally have to settle down somewhere in the world and begin the adoption process. Too far in the future to think about this now.

Day 5: Something you would change about the world…

I want all forms of sexual harassment/assault to be a thing of the past.

Day 6: Something you would like to change about yourself…

My attitude towards food. Seriously, this is the most dysfunctional relationship I have ever had. Over the past year I have gone through periods of not eating and periods of over eating like nobody’s business. I want to want food, and only the good stuff. I don’t know why this has happened, but I'm working on it.

Day 7: A show or a movie that has changed you, and how…

I want to say Doctor Who, but I'm not sure how exactly. I think I am now too emotionally fragile since watching this show. I blame tumblr. I got emotionally attached to this show long before I started watching it. And then in November came. My friend came to visit me in St. John’s and we watched the Matt Smith’s first episode. Now I'm just obsessed with the show. Although I've been hearing that Moffat is ruining the Doctor. >.< Still catching up. So yeah, change for the worse I suppose. But I regret nothing. The show is fabulous so far and I can’t wait to get started on the other Doctors. 



So that’s my first week of questions. A couple days late. haha Off to a good start.

Questions from here

1.03.2013

First Week Back

I've been back in Toronto for just over a week now. On Christmas morning, I went from St. John’s to Halifax, Halifax to Ottawa, and then Ottawa to Toronto. I was so done. Got a free pair of earbuds though. Merry Christmas? On the 26th at about 11 in the night, my sister and I headed out. Five minutes into our drive back, we get into a car accident. Welcome Home!!! Ugh, that was so terrifying. As the accident was happening I wasn't thinking that we’re gonna die because we weren’t going fast at all, I didn't think we’d hit anything too hard and there were no cars behind us. But I was thinking “Oh shit! How long will recovery in the hospital be?” Can’t get hurt now. Korea must happen. But that was that. We survived, and very minimal damage to the car.

Be jealous of my boxing day breakfast.

Then on the 27th I went to dinner with most of my siblings. We all got ID’d. o.O Seriously? Our ages range from 22 to 31, and we get ID’d? Stupid but make us feel young. Friday night was girl’s night. I do this kind of thing? Lots of wine, vodka and pizza. We watched Catch Me If You Can. I've seen it before, but I wanted to watch this because I didn't want to Watch Love and Basketball. Saturday I stayed in bed until 6 and my sister baked cookies. haha So lazy. Sunday I get up a bit earlier to eat leftover pizza and watch Inception, but when my sister got back we switched to Love and Basketball. -__- This movie tho… Why people like it? It’s nothing special. Monday my sister treated me to the spa. I have never had manicure or pedicure before. So nice. My right foot very ticklish. After we did that, I got a lip wax. Never again. Why people get this done? I’d rather get my legs waxed then grow back next day and wax like this again for a year. 
Thank you for the wonderful treat Mo! ^_^


Colour is more close to bottom picture, but top more clear.

Then we quickly went to Canada Computers and Henry’s. Henry’s has the camera I want. But I later find out that they are the only major retailer that carries this camera, so they can sell for whatever price they want. Not fair. So expensive in Canada. Everything is so expensive here. w/e Then we went to our cousin’s house where I was in major pain for most of the time and feeling sick. I just kept drinking some rum mixture and felt a lot better by the time we headed back. lol I don’t even like rum.

So Tuesday I stayed in bed all day. I'll blog about that soon. And yesterday I stay in bed for most of the day but I went for a walk and bought some food cause I need some bananas and broccoli in my life. Bought Sriracha too. One size only apparently. I have yet to see a small bottle in stores. I've been eating like crap over the last week. Overeating, too much cookies, pizza and drinking juice. Need to get back into the way I ate when I was in St, John’s. Don’t people usually eat worse when they're at school? I guess I'm special.

Today I met with my friend from Taiwan. I was her mentor for the past semester and she was only in Toronto for the day. So we walked downtown forever. I'm a terrible tour guide. I never knew where we were going. haha I hate this city. Ate at Eaton Centre food court. This place needs to calm down. You’re a mall. No need to make A&W look fancy.

What is this? What is happening?

I'm getting my hair cut this weekend. Three years ahead of schedule, but I think it will make life in Korea easier in the hair department if it's short. Doesn't matter, it will grow back.

OH!! Remember here when I said my roommate left and didn't say goodbye to me? Well he went back to our house and asked the woman we lived with for my email. So sweet. I'm not mad anymore. It clearly wasn't intentional for him to leave like that. haha I feel better now. 

I put that price sticker on the wall years ago. Why no one take it down? I think it's for Melinda and Melinda. Good movie

Ok, now I sleep.