Blogged this from my phone, so apologies ahead of time if this isn't the best quality and for overlooked errors...
Couldn't sleep last night so I watched The Return of Superman, Chuseok special, that would later become a regular show. I laughed and cried so much. Some of the fathers were so clumsy, but they all love their children so much. It's such a beautiful show. I'm glad I'm so behind. There's so much to look forward to as these families will grow in front of everyone's eyes. I wish we had a show like this on this side of the globe so we all could be reminded that there's still love in this world, and we sometimes have to find it in the little things.
I also got home sick. I miss Korea so much. Obviously watching a Korean show I'd be constantly reminded of the country I've grown to love. From the fuzzy rice cookers to having strangers asking you questions, I miss the feeling of safety and coziness that Korea gave me. Here in Toronto I get scared to look into someone's eyes in case they think I've looked at them the wrong way, and who knows what next.
My friends always ask me when I will return to Korea and I can never give a definite answer cause I'm stuck working on getting a degree to prove to society that I'm not an idiot. It doesn't matter though, society is trained to value certain people over others, and I'm not in the valued group for reasons beyond my control. So why waste my time? Why can't I just go back to Korea now? I'm so tired of Toronto. So tired of Canada. So tired of a prime minister who's been acting like a dictator as he goes around ruining this country and calling anyone who disagrees with him a terrorist.
I want to go back now. I want to eat an over priced apple in Korea cause I miss the taste of wax-less apple skin. I want to ride a bike along Han River with friends on a hot day in summer. I want to get drunk with friends outside of a 711. I want to talk to local shop owners who make it their mission to make sure the foreigners in their area are doing well. I want to get lost in a city and not be scared of the new area I find myself in. I want to take a four hour train ride to Gwangju and talk to an auntie about good diet foods. (Yes mama! Tell me about how you lost that 20 pounds.) I want to walk into a restaurant and order food to-go like a pro as the locals watch in amazement. I want to take selfies in the middle of nowhere and everywhere without having people judge me in my moment of vain-ness. I want to go back now.
For the moment all I have is memories and TV shows like The Return of Superman. I will use them to help me get through these next few years of school. I will use them as motivation to do the best I can. And I will use them as an escape for those days that I feel hopeless living in this terrible society. I will return just as those mothers eventually do. Only my time gone will have been more than 48 hours.