9.15.2015

The Fool That I Am

Last October i dropped out of school cause i was really sick, feeling super uncomfortable in my living situation, and hated my school. Over the past ten months i have tried to get my shit together, but i still feel like I'm failing at life. 

This is my first full week at a new uni and i have been really nervous and excited. Today i got all ready to study Korean and feel like a productive human being. My snack was packed, i had my bus fare and my text/work/notebooks were ready to go. 

Just over half way through my seven minute walk to the bus stop i felt like something wasn't right. It was just after 12pm, but i felt like i was missing something. Oh right! My class starts at 12:30, not 2:30 like i thought. So i could just run to class, right? HA! Wouldn't that be nice. But nah, it takes two hours to get to school. By the time i'd get there class would be done. 

What a joke. I am such a joke. First week of school and i'm already failing. I don't know if i'm doing the right thing. I don't know if i'm ready. All the time i've spent over the past year in therapy, constantly seeing my doctor, trying to find the right meds for me, working on becoming more organized, and blah blah blah... I don't know if it's worked yet. 

I am aware that i'm catastrophizing. This isn't the end of the world, and i'm not going to fail my class because i got my schedule mixed up today. But i'm so sick of sucking at life. How do people do it?