11.01.2016

Dear Kids Who Didn't Get Free Candy Last Night,

I am so sorry that you weren't allowed to dress up last night and run around the neighbourhood with your friends asking people for candy. I am so sorry that your parents don't let you participate in this day of dress-up and fattening-up because they belong to a religion that you may or may not follow when you're older.

One day you'll be free to think for yourself and get all the candy that your heart desires. One day you'll be free to dress up as your favourite superhero or TV character. And to be honest, the parties will be a lot more fun than they are now, cause you'll also be able to drink.

I feel your pain. I'm still mad that I was always stuck in the house, looking out the window, watching all the other kids having a grand old time collecting enough candy to last them until Christmas. Another day that you might not care for when you're older.

Stay strong, my child. You'll have your moment. But until then, remember to tell your parents that candy is on sale today. :)

Evelyn sums up my feelings really good...




7.03.2016

I Saw Someone Today...


December 4th, 2015.

I saw someone today, and he reminded me of you. I was excited, scared, and angry all within a minute. I didn’t know what to do with myself. When he talked, I heard your voice and I wanted him to keep on talking. But then I got scared. What if he was the same as you? Capable of doing the same things you did. It’s been two years and you’re still with me. Part of me never wants you to go. But I know you're bad for me. Maybe if I had him I would have you too. But I’d be safer. Or worse off. I don’t know. I hate you so much, but I want no one else. Please leave me alone. I want to move on.

1.26.2016

Some Things

It's late and i shouldn't be on here, but i just transferred my latest history notes from one notebook to another, and i think i deserve a break. Also my neck is in serious pain, and i'm gonna assume it's cause i've been working so hard. ಥ◡ಥ 

Speaking of working hard, i honestly haven't been doing much of that lately. I get so overwhelmed by all the work i have to do that i don't get any of it done. It's times like these that i wish i could drop out. University is too fast for me sometimes. I should take an even smaller course load, but i don't want to be here for another five years. I want to be done.

I've been having sudden bursts of things that i want to write on here and for my assignments, but i never write them down at the moment. And that's why i'm sitting here past one in the morning struggling to get my work done. 

I have two quizzes to do in about 12 hours and i don't think i'm ready. I want to do well. I need to study more. The stuff i'm learning in Korean class at the moment are not even difficult; i just need to put in the time. I think once Wednesday comes i'd be able to breathe and get my shit together. 

When it comes to this blog, i don't know where i want it to go. Should i keep on writing personal shit that most no one cares about or should i go back to reacting to the world and talking about superficial shit that really doesn't matter?

Youtube is always recommending me videos of the most irrelevant and annoying white people on the internet and i don't know why. Like i'm sitting here watching almost exclusively Black and Korean content, and then they suggest i watch an Adele video. Why? What can she do for me? Have i ever showed an interest in her in the past three years? Get it together Youtube/Google.

I watched Peppermint Candy for my Korean film class and that movie made me so mad. Like why am i sitting here watching this abusive asshole for two hours? I'm so conflicted about how i feel about it though cause it's clear that Buddy was suffering, but at the same time does being upset at life really make you cheat on your wife? -__- Or are you just a shitty person? I suppose i should save my thoughts on the movie for my actual assignment. 

Okay this is getting too long. I need to put what little energy i have left into studying. Good night.

1.17.2016

Buildup

Sitting here listening to Kiah Victoria and avoiding my responsibilities. I've got some emails to return and some general inbox cleaning to do. Two film reviews to write that are due this week, and a lot of reading to catch up on. I miss having semesters. January used to be a fresh start, but now I've got work carrying over from last term. 

I suppose it doesn't help that i've been watching Heroes almost everyday for the past week. This show is so frustrating, but i can't stop watching. The end is in sight. I didn't finish watching it the first time around since it got so bad, but i'm determined to finish it this time. 

I'm an auntie again! My baby girl was born this past Thursday. Full head of hair and fat cheeks. (◕‿◕✿) I don't know if i can handle anymore children at this time. Two is enough. haha Maybe in five years time i'd like another niece or nephew. 

My mom said i can get a bird. I'm not sure how serious she is about this cause she told me last year that i can get a rabbit, and i am still rabbit-less. I don't know much about birds though and not sure if i'd be able to handle the noise. I probably won't get one.

I'm on my second round of antibiotics. Last two weeks of December i had a throat infection, double ear infection, double pink eye, lost voice, runny nose, and sore jaw. Then almost as soon as i was off the antibiotics, i got sick again, but with a different infection. Hoping this will be it for the year.

My Korean drumming teacher figured out that i know Korean. So now I'm feeling a little awkward cause i don't know if there's an expectation for me to ever speak Korean or bow every class. haha

My goals for 2016:

stop being depressed
be a better friend
be a better student
get box braids  
take my vitamins everyday
start blogging consistently again
get shit done when it's due
get a cat
keep all the house plants alive
grow some food
get a summer job
read the books i own before i buy more
start drawing again
resist the urge to cut all my hair off
reply to all emails
finally finish watching a Korean drama
wear makeup at least once a week
actively participate in a school club
watch all my "watch later" videos on youtube 

What are your plans for the year?

My subscription feed on youtube is really slow right now. Do you know of any good channels i should follow?